Ringside / Writing fears

There comes a time in every martial artist's life where he witnesses something he wishes he never had to see. Two nights ago at Martial Combat, I saw my friend get knocked out in the cage. It happened so fast that I couldn't remember what he got hit with but when he fell, it replayed in my head about three or four times before I realised what had happened. It didn't help that it was one of the more brutal KO's I have seen live. It's a horrible feeling watching someone you train, joke and hang out with everyday, lying motionless on the mat. Besides fearing for his safety, I also feared for his state of mind after the fight. I was worried he wouldn't want to continue after losing or quit the martial arts scene altogether. Then again, those were fleeting worries of a concerned friend. I know that he will continue to train harder and return to the cage one day to fight again. It is definitely something that will scar you. This is why many fighters leave their loved ones at home on the night of an event. I can't imagine how hard it would be for a parent, child or spouse to watch their little boy, father or soulmate fall to the ground, bloodied up. It was difficult enough watching it as a buddy.

Though it is tough as hell to watch someone you love fall, it is incredible to see them succeed at what they love to do. I am confident he will return and we will celebrate when he leaves the cage, next time, with a big fat W.

This doesn't throw me off my dream of becoming a fighter one day. Sure, it does scare me a little but I think that anyone who enters that cage definitely has some fear in them. Whether it's the fear of getting hit, taken down or disappointing your team, it's always going to be within you no matter how much you deny it. In the end, we're all going to have to cope with our fears. It doesn't matter what your profession is. Everyone from a breakdancer to a french chef has their own private fears and concerns. To succeed we have to transcend those boundaries. It's not an easy task but it's one that isn't impossible.

This spills over to my writing as well. I have been stuck on my project for a few months now. My greatest challenge is overcoming the critic voice within, constantly reminding me that everything I type is nonsense. Also there is the fear of ridicule, being panned by the media and most of all, failing to get published altogether. It's not easy to write for the long haul because those voices are always going to be in your head. I'm currently grappling with them and trying to get myself back on track. I don't want to start anything new right now. I know if I do, the same thing will happen and I will end up with a half finished waste of data on my computer once again. I think it is time for me to actually commit and finish what I started five years ago. It's the only thing I can do now that will make me feel like I have a chance at becoming a full fledged writer.

The creative mind can sculpt the plot, the learned tongue can forge the words, the keen eye can spot the mistakes but a writer needs his heart most of all for it takes a strong one to complete a story that the brain has scorned so mercilessly.